He was handsome, popular, wild, and exciting. When I found out from a mutual friend at the university we attended that he was interested in me, I was intrigued and flattered.
How do i say “no” to sex?
We went out for ice cream on our first date and were inseparable from that moment on. Our physical relationship accelerated at the speed of light. We both partied hard and studied as little as possible. Our relationship revolved around seeking pleasure and avoiding responsibility. Compared to my relationship, our romance felt like a dream come true for me at the time.
Having just had my heart badly broken by the rejection of my first lovebehaviors that my boyfriend exhibited toward me that I now recognize as unhealthy attention and jealousy were, at the time, reassuring to me. But as the months passed I began questioning a lot of the choices I was making in my life. It started when my mom came into town for a visit. My boyfriend and I invited my mother for dinner at his apartment.
I could tell my mom felt sad and uncomfortable, and I asked her about it when we were alone later that night.
2. new motherhood
She told me she had seen our dozens of empty liquor bottles we were underage along with my toothbrush in the bathroom. My mother asked me to talk honestly with her about my relationship with my boyfriend, and I did. In return, she described how much she regretted her similar history with men before meeting and marrying my father. When I thought about my future, I hoped to have adult responsibilities.
You are here
I wanted to commit my time to maintaining a healthy body, meaningful career, and a faithful marriage with children. I was definitely not on track to get those things I so deeply wanted. I talked to my boyfriend about the changes I wanted to make to my current lifestyle.
But even more difficult, I told him I wanted to stop having sex. He said he understood, and we reed ourselves to the fact that we would no longer share the same social life.
That part was challenging, but much harder was trying to keep sex out of our relationship. Often, in the heat of the moment, it would happen anyway and I would be left feeling frustrated. He seemed to be just waiting for me to change my mind. After a few months, he broke up with me. The breakup was complicated, as breakups often are.
1. it started to feel like a chore.
But I knew that no longer having sex was a big factor. I was sad, of course, but surprisingly not heartbroken.
He had stayed the same, I had changed. I began searching for a man who would encourage me to be my best self, to be a true partner for the journey. Even though I sometimes felt discouraged, I still believed I would meet a guy who not only respected my values but would hold them as his own.
It turns out, my gut instinct was right. A few years later I did meet a man like that, and I married him.
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