That was the question I asked in a recent YouTube video and the response I got was interesting. So many women admitted that they tend to fall too heavy too fast and therefore experience heartbreak quite often.
At one point in your adult life, it is time that you ask yourself why you tend to attach to men so quickly? Because like everything else we witness in dating and relationships, your behaviors have a reason. And the truth is, whenever you jump into new relationships with both feet while ignoring red flags, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. So, why do you get attached so easily? By now most of you have probably heard about attachment styles before and have an idea of your default style.
If not, I suggest you take the test here. Your attachment style influences the way you interact with romantic partners and whether you are anxiously preoccupied, avoidant or secure in relationships.
S of emotional attachment?
Because I used to have a very strong anxious attachment style, I focus more on understanding our challenges. Turns out women who have an anxious attachment style are more prone to attach quickly to romantic partners because they are:. The need to feel close to someone oftentimes overshadows your ability to pace yourself in dating and le to premature attachment.
And that is usually why some of us are getting attached to someone too quickly. As you can tell, an anxious attachment style can oftentimes be unhealthy, because it is excessive at times. A healthy attachment will foster intimacy, caring, and understanding, while unhealthy attachment brings forth codependency, anxiety, and fear. Offering unlimited comfort to your date without ever asking for any comfort in return is not healthy and will lead to resentment. So, how can you avoid an unhealthy emotional attachment even when you are prone to an anxious attachment style?
How do you avoid getting attached too soon?
Probably the most controversial tip on how to not get attached to a guy is to date multiple men at the same time. But like with any other dating advice on my blog, this point is about increasing your self-confidence and developing an abundance mindset.
Dating multiple men at the same time does How mean that you become promiscuous and sleep with or even kiss any of them. All it means is that you get to know these men better and learn to evaluate possible suitors based on whether they can meet your needs and are ready to put in the investment. Instead of obsessing over just one guy that shows interest, you now are presented with an abundance of men which get you to make an informed decision. The second tip on how to not get attached easily is to set boundaries not yourself. Whenever we date we are very quick to come up with boundaries for the other person.
No kissing, no sex, no overnight stays. Physical boundaries to avoid moving too quickly. As mentioned above, unhealthy attachment is often linked to emotional dependence and rescue behavior. Meaning you becoming too dependent on the other person. In order to avoid that, attached, you need to set boundaries that keep you from fixating on the guy you are dating.
Write down the behaviors you exhibited in the past that backfired such as:.
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To date without getting attached, you want to ensure that you move slowly and allow the relationship to catch up to your feelings. Has he proven himself to be a confidante? Did the two of you discuss exclusivity or commitment? Does the relationship feel safe enough for you to open up like that?
By asking yourself these questions before letting your guard down you avoid heartbreak. Because there is nothing worse than finding out that the man we have been dating pretended for weeks and months before finally revealing his real intentions. So set boundaries, pace yourself and allow yourself time to discover red flags before diving in headfirst.
The third tip on how how to not get attached while dating is to date without expectations. No matter how excited you are about him or how much potential he has. Whenever you start dating someone new you want to remain objective at first. Avoid projecting all your hopes and dreams for a future onto him.
The fact that he is single, saved, and sexy does not mean that he is your attached husband. Instead, carefully get his behavior and determine whether or not his words and actions really meet your needs in a relationship. Evaluate him as a great person first, and worry about whether or not he is husband material a few weeks into knowing him. You would be surprised how many girls look back at dating situations where they got attached to a man super fast and not realized that he was not even that great. After the initial excitement slows down they accept that the How they were dating did not want the same things they wanted, did not treat them the way they wanted to be treated, and did not meet their needs for a lover.
Suddenly things are crystal clear and they realize that he was not all that. The answer is, you were dating with pink-colored glasses on. Failing to do so will only make you fall for someone that is at best decent but not your real match.
Love vs attachment
The last tip on how to avoid getting attached is the most practical one and that is to limit your interactions with the guy you are dating. When you first meet someone new that you like and vibe with, it is very tempting to spend every free minute with them.
You want to text him all the time, call him all the time, and meet up with him all the time. Because the fastest way to catch feelings for someone is by solely focusing on them. Schedule days where you do not meet up with him and instead hang out with friends or spend get doing things you love. That will allow you to keep it light, while you are in the getting-to-know-him stage. By following these five steps on how to not get attached to a guy while not you lessen the risk of falling for someone too early.
But what if you are already attached to a guy that you were attached dating casually and now you have to get over him? How you are starting to feel anxious about the guy you are dating, chances are high you are already emotionally attached to him.
In that case, the best thing you can do is to practice mindfulness. Whenever emotions run high and you feel tempted to reach out to him or stalk his Instagram profile, purposefully do something else.
Make a list of things you can do to distract yourself, such as reading, calling a friend, or working out outdoors. Whatever you can do that requires you to be away from your phone will help. As long as you avoid constantly checking your phone and building up anxiety. Justine is a certified dating, relationship and life coach who has been blogging on justinemfulama.
Her purpose for this site is to help women attract and maintain a godly relationship, by teaching self-love, mastery of the mind and confidence. Her dating advice and relationship advice is faith-based but practical and sourced from her own and other people's life experience. Pin 7. Table of Contents.